英语时空杂志中的趣味故事

英语时空杂志中的趣味故事

Story 1: Trick of Stealing Watermelons

Ah Q still had the habit of stealing. In village Wee, the watermelons grown by the Zhang's were big and sweet which was known far and near. One night, Ah Q was very greedy to have some watermelon, so he invited Wang Hu to steal some. They crawled toward the watermelon field in the darkness. In the flickering candle light, they dimmly saw a watermelon keeper lying on a bamboo bed. They both were not so bold to go ahead, thus Ah Q grasped a small stone and threw it to the middle of the field. No response from the keeper, maybe he was in sleep. The two men crawled nearer. Meanwhile Ah Q touched something sticky, he put his hand to his nose, it smelt terrible. "Fuck it!", cursed Ah Q in mind. Just now Ah Q heard a light sound, it sounded like the bellows. "It is snore," Ah Q thought, a great joy came into mind. Ah Q dragged Wang Hu to the bamboo bed in stealth. It was really snore. Ah Q whispered a while to Wang Hu's ear. The two men moved smoothly and silently the bamboo bed together with the keeper to the brink of a pond nearby, especially with the shoe side of the bed facing the pond. After that they returned to the field, picked the biggest melons and filled two bags as if they were picking their own. Then they carried the bags away. About 200 or 300 meters away, Ah Q shouted to the field, "Someone stealing watermelons!" No sooner had the voice fallen than came a Pootone—the sound of something dropping into the water. Ah Q and Wang Hu giggled, going away without turning their heads.

故事之一：偷瓜妙计

阿Q依旧偷性不改。未庄张家的西瓜又大又甜，远近闻名。有天晚上，阿Q嘴馋，便约王胡一起摸黑爬到张家的西瓜地旁，摇曳的烛光中，隐约可见竹床躺着一位看瓜的伙计。二位不敢贸然行事，于是，阿Q先摸了一小块石子向瓜田中央扔去，看瓜的伙计没有反应，或许他睡着了。二人又向前爬了爬。阿Q的手突然摸着了一堆粘乎乎的东西，凑近鼻子一闻，酸臭酸臭，“妈妈的！”阿Q禁不住在心里骂道。这时隐约听见轻轻的象是拉风箱的声音。“对了，这是鼾声”，阿Q心想，不由一阵欣喜，拉着王胡朝竹床爬过去想探个究竟。的的确确是鼾声，阿Q对着王胡耳语一番。二人蹑手蹑脚地来到竹床边，轻轻地连人带竹床一起抬到离瓜地不远的水塘边，将竹床紧临水塘放好，并使放鞋的一边正对水塘。二人返回瓜地，放心大胆地如同在自家地里摘瓜一般，拣最大的摘了两大袋子，扛着袋子走了。走了约二三百米，阿Q回过头来大喊一声：“有人偷瓜罗！”随后听见远处扑通一声，阿Q和王胡呵呵直笑，便头也不回地去了。

But the teacher cried

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.

"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"

"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"

可是老师哭了

六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。

约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？”

“哭？”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。”

英语幽默小故事16篇_英语趣味小故事

在繁忙的学习工作中，阅读一些幽默笑话是我们放松心情的好方式。既然这样，那么你知道英语幽默小 故事 有哪些吗？下面我为大家带来英语幽默小故事16篇_英语趣味小故事，希望大家喜欢!

英语幽默小故事1：Midway Tactics

Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.

The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"

The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"

The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".

幽默故事翻译：中间战术

三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。

右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”

左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”

中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。

英语幽默小故事2：Very Pleased to Meet You

During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.

One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.

Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.

Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."

"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.

"Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister."

"I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"

幽默故事翻译：

在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。

一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要 出国 ，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。

后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。

琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”

“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。

“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”

“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”

英语幽默小故事3：Two Soldiers

Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"

Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.

Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.

Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"

Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.

George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.

"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.

George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"

幽默故事翻译：

军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”

比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。

乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。

这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”

比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。

乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。

“你还要什么?”比尔问。

乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”

英语幽默小故事4：Five Months Older

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.

"How old are you?" he said.

"Eighteen, sir," said John.

"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"

"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."

幽默故事翻译：五个月大

第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。

可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。

“你多大了?”军医问。

“十八，长官。”约翰说。

“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”

约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”

英语幽默小故事5：West Point

My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."

One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."

幽默故事翻译：

父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的 橄榄球 赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好让我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学习会得到什么。”

一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女学员，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说：“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。”

英语幽默小故事6：Present for Girlfriend

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.

The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."

幽默故事翻译：送给女友的礼物

在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的礼物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗?”珠宝商问道。

那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：“不--在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”

英语幽默小故事7：Be Careful What You Wish For

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

幽默故事翻译：慎重许愿

一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。

庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。

妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。

接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻，害羞地说，“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”

仙女拾起了 魔术 棒。“呯!”，他变成了90岁。

英语幽默小故事8：Wood Fire

One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. "Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened."

"Does that mean," asked the other, "that they make ashes of themselves?"

幽默故事翻译：森林之火

一名妇女向她最好的朋友大谈雄性动物的特性：“丈夫们就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他们就会燃烧起来。”

“那是不是意味着，”另一个问道，“他们将自己烧成灰烬?”

英语幽默小故事9：Best Reward

A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.

"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I‘d pulled you out, they‘d chuck me in."

幽默故事翻译：最好的奖赏

一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。

“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”

英语幽默小故事10：Napoleon Was ill

Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.

"He‘s a good boy," said Jack‘s father, "and if you let him pass this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."

"No, no, that‘s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!"

"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack‘s father. "You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."

幽默故事翻译：拿破仑病了

杰克到一所大学去学历史。第一学期结束时，历史课教授没让他及格。学校让他退学。然而，杰克的父亲决定去见教授，强烈要求让杰克继续来年的学业。

“他是个好孩子，”杰克的父亲说：“您要是让他这次及格，我相信他明年会有很大进步，学期结束时，他一定会考好的。”

“不，不，那不可能，”教授马上回答。“你知道吗?上个月我问他拿破仑什么时候死的，他都不知道。”

“先生，请再给他一次机会吧。”杰克的父亲说：“你不知道，恐怕是因为我们家没有订报纸。我们家的人连拿破仑病了都不知道。”

英语趣味幽默小故事三则

“哪里有人,哪里就有笑声。”从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松，在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面我为大家带来英语趣味幽默小故事三则，欢迎大家阅读!

英语趣味幽默小故事：高薪

A famous lawyer always lectured his office boy. He thought it was good for the boy although he didn't need it.

One day it happened that the lawyer heard his office boy asked by the one employed next door, "How much does he pay you?" His office boy replied, "I get two thousand dollars a year. He pay some ten dollars a week in cash and the rest in his legal1 advice."

一位著名的律师老是给他办公室的勤杂工讲课，认为这对他有好处，尽管他并不需要。

有一天，这位律师偶然听到隔壁邻居的勤杂工问他的勤杂工：“他给你多少薪金?”他的勤杂工回答说：“我的年薪是2000美元，他每周付给我10美元左右的现金，其余的都算做他给我上课的学费啦。”

英语趣味幽默小故事：突然涨价

A man took his son to have an aching tooth pulled by the dentist. When it had been drawn1, the man was asked to pay ten dollars for it.

"Ten dollars!" he exclaimed surprised and said to the dentist, "I know you only charge two dollars for pulling a tooth. Why do you raise the price at will(随意)?"

The dentist said, "Yes, but your son cried out so loud that four other patients were frightened away."

有个人带着他的儿子去找牙医给他拔掉一只痛牙。牙医把他的牙齿拔掉后，要这个人付10美元。

这个人惊讶得大叫道：“10美元!我知道你拔一只牙是只收2美元，为什么任意涨价呀?”

牙医说：“没错，可是你的儿子喊叫得那么凶，把另外四个病人都吓跑了嘛!”

英语趣味幽默小故事：心不在焉

A man was getting very absent-minded. One evening he went to visit a friend and chatted with him for about two hours. When he was going to leave, his friend asked, "How is your family?" The absent-minded man suddenly exclaimed. "Good heavens! I forget my wife is having a fit(大发脾气)."

英语趣味故事

Once upon a time there was a clever, wily peasant, whose tricks could be much talked about. The best story, however, is how he once got the best of the devil and made a fool of him. One day the peasant had been working in his field, and just as it was getting dark he was getting ready to go home when in the middle of his field he saw a pile of burning coals. Filled with amazement he walked toward it, and sitting on the top of the glowing coals there was a little black devil.

"You must be sitting on a treasure," said the peasant.

"Yes indeed," replied the devil, "on a treasure that contains more gold and silver than you have ever seen in your life."

"The treasure is in my field and belongs to me," said the peasant.

"It is yours," answered the devil, "if for two years you will give me one half of everything your field produces. I have enough money, but I have a desire for the fruits of the earth."

The peasant entered into the bargain, saying, "To prevent any dispute from arising about the division, everything above the ground shall belong to you, and everything beneath the ground to me."

The devil was quite satisfied with that, but the cunning peasant had planted turnips.

Now when harvest time came the devil appeared and wanted to take away his crop, but he found nothing except the yellow withered leaves, and the happy peasant dug up his turnips.

"You got the best of me this time," said the devil, "but it won't happen again. Next time what grows above ground shall be yours, and what is under it shall be mine."

"That is all right with me," answered the peasant. When planting time came the peasant did not plant turnips again, but wheat. The crop ripened, and the peasant went into the field and cut the full stalks off at ground level. When the devil came he found nothing but the stubble, and he angrily disappeared into a chasm in a cliff.

"That's the way one has to deal with foxes," said the peasant, then carried away the treasure.

从前有位远见卓识、机智聪明的农夫，有关他足智多谋的故事至今人们仍广为传颂。其中最精彩的要首推他曾经怎样捉弄魔鬼的故事。

一天，农夫在田间劳动了一整天，天黑时正准备回家，忽然发现自己的田里有堆煤在燃烧，他惊讶万分，於是便走上前去看，发现竟有一个黑色的小魔鬼走在燃烧的煤堆上。“你是坐在财宝上吗？”农夫问。“正是财宝。”魔鬼答道，“而且比你一生见到的都要多呢！”“财宝在我田里就得归我。”农夫说道。“就归你吧！”魔鬼说，“只要你肯将两年内一半的收成给我就行了。钱，我有的是，但我更喜欢地上的果实。”农夫答应了这桩交易，并说：“为了避免在我们分配时出现纠纷，凡泥土上的东西归你，泥土下的归我。”魔鬼感到心满意足，但这位聪明的农夫却种上了萝卜.

现在收获的季节到了，魔鬼又来了，要求收回属於他的收成。但除了那些枯黄的败叶外，他一无所获；而农夫却在兴高采烈地挖着他的萝卜.“这次让你占了便宜，”魔鬼说，“下次可不能这样。地上的归你，地下的归我。”“悉听尊便。”农夫答道。播种的季节又到了，这次他可不播萝卜，而是种上了小麦。麦子熟了，他来到田间，把麦秆齐根割倒在地。魔鬼又来了，见到除了残茬外，他又一无所获，气得转身就走，顺着石缝钻了进去。“我就是这样骗倒魔鬼的。”农夫说完，赶紧拾起财宝回家去了。

英语趣味小故事

1． Honesty

诚实

A man went to an insurance office to have his life insured. The manager of the office asked him how old his parents were when they died.

“Mother had a bad heart and died at the age of thirty. Father died of tuberculosis when he was thirty-five.”

“I am very sorry,”said the manager,“we cannot insure your life as your parents were not healthy.”

As the man was leaving the office, depressed, he met a clerk, who had overheard the conversation.

“You must not be so frank and tell the truth,”said the clerk,“no office will insure you if you speak like that. Use your imagination a little.”

The man went to another office and was shown into the manager's room.

“Well, young man, how old were your parents when they died?”

“Mother was ninety-three, and she died from a fall off her bicycle. Father was ninety-eight and he died while he was playing football.”

2. An American on a British Train

一个美国人乘英国火车

A young American entered a railway compartment on a British train, to discover that all seats were occupied, Including one on which was seated a small dog. To its owner, a middle-aged lady wearing a large hat, he said politely,“Excuse me, ma'am, but may I sit down?”

She said nothing, but merely sniffed and turned over the pages of her newspaper.

Again he said,“Excuse me, ma'am, but may I have this seat, please? And again she ignored him.

For a third time the young American said,“Ma'am, would you please remove your dog so that I may sit down?”

And for the third time the snooty matron totally ignored him, so he opened a window, picked up the dog, threw it out, and then sat on the empty seat.

There was a stunned silence, and then an Englishman sitting opposite said,“You know, you Yanks are the strangest people. You drive on the wrong side of the road. You eat with the fork in the wrong hand, you name the floors in the wrong numbers, and now you've just thrown the wrong bitch out of the window!”

3．A Bad Foot

受伤的脚

There was a bookseller who did not like to pay for anything. One day a big box of books fell on his foot.

“Go to the doctor,”said his wife，“show that foot to him.”

“No,”he said,“I'll wait until the doctor comes to our shop next time. Then I'll ask him about my foot. If I go to see him, I shall have to pay.”

The next day the doctor came to the shop to buy some books. The bookseller told the doctor about his bad foot. The doctor looked at it and promised to help.

He took out a piece of paper and wrote something on it.“Buy this and put it on the foot before you go to bed every night.”he said.

“Thank you.”said the bookseller.“And now, sir, here are your books.”

“How much?”asked the doctor.

“Two pounds.”

“Good,”said the doctor.“I shall not have to pay you anything today.”

“Why?”asked the bookseller.

“I have examined your foot. I want two pounds for that. If people come to my house, I ask them to pay one pound for a small thing like that. But when I go to their houses, I usually charge two pounds. And I came here today, didn't I? Bye-bye!”

Gold and the Fur Coat

金子与皮大衣

A young man and an old man were waiting for a bus at a station. They sat next to each other.

“What's that in your bag?”asked the young man, pointing to a big bag beside the old man.

“Gold, nothing but gold,”answered the old man.

The young man could hardly believe his own ears,“What?”he said to himself in surprise.“So much gold? My God! How I wish to be able to get so much gold!”Then he began to think about how to get the gold.

The old man looked tired and sleepy and it seemed that he could hardly keep his eyes open.“Are you sleepy, sir?”asked the young man.“Then you'd better lie down on the chair and have a good rest. Don't worry about the bus. I'll wake you up in time.”

“All right. It's very kind of you, young man.”The old man lay down and before long he fell asleep.

The young man took the big bag gently. But when he was about to run away, he found a corner of his fur coat was under the old man's body. Several times he tried to pull it out, but he couldn't. At last he took off his coat and went away with the bag.

The young man ran out of the station as quickly as his legs could carry him. When he reached a place where he thought the old man couldn't find him, he stopped and quickly opened the bag.

To his surprise, there was nothing but a lot of small stones in it. He hurried to the station at once. But when he got there, he found the old man was gone.

5． Shave Me First

先给我刮脸

A barber was in his shop, busily cutting a man's hair, when a handsome young stranger came in. He had a small boy with him. They sat down together and waited until the barber had finished. Then the young man told the barber to shave him and to cut the small boy's hair.

The barber said,“Do you want me to cut the boy's hair first, or to shave you?”

“Oh, shave me.”said the young man.“Then I'll go down the road and have a glass of wine while you're cutting the boy's hair.”

The young man sat down in the barber's chair, and the barber began to shave him.

When he had finished, the young man got up and said,“I'll go down the road now and have my wine while you're cutting the boy's hair.”

“All right, but I won't take long.”the barber warned him. The young man went out, the small boy obediently sat down in the barber's chair，and the barber began to cut his hair.

As he had said, he soon finished, and then the boy sat down and waited. At the end of half an hour, when the young man had still not come back, the barber said to the boy,“It is a pity that your daddy's taking such a long time. Where is he likely to be now?”

“I can't guess,”answered the small boy.“And that man wasn't my daddy. I've never seen him before in my life. I was playing in the street this morning, and he came up to me and asked me whether I'd like to have my hair cut without having to pay anything. I said I would, because my hair was rather long, so he brought me here.”

Man and His Monkey

耍猴的人

A small crowd had gathered round the entrance to the park. His curiosity aroused, Robert crossed the road to see what was happening. He found that the centre of attraction was an old man with a performing monkey. The monkey's tricks ,he soon discovered, were in no way remarkable. So after throwing a few pennies in the dirty hat which the man had placed on the pavement, Robert began to move off, along with other members of the crowd.

At this point the man suddenly let out a loud cry. Everyone turned to see what had happened. The man was bending over his monkey, which now lay quite still