中世纪婚姻制度论文研究

从婚姻的原则看：古代婚姻必须是“父母之命，媒妁之言”。“父母之命”是指主婚权属于父母，即选择配偶，嫁娶方式均由父母做主，而不问男女双方本人的意愿，实质上就是父母包办婚姻。《诗经·齐风·南山》“娶妻何如,必告父母”； 《孟子·滕文公下》：“父母之命，媒妁之言，钻隙相窥，逾墙相从，则父母国人皆贱之。”；恩格斯也指出：“古代婚姻都是由父母包办，当事人则安心顺从”。“媒妁之言”是指婚姻由第三人即“媒人”撮合，它是父母包办婚姻不可缺少的终结，是包办婚姻的组成部分，与父母之命共同构成封建婚姻成立的要件。例如唐律规定：娶妻无媒不可，正所谓“名媒正取”，合礼合法。媒妁在古代之所以重要，在于协调宗族关系，成为宗族联姻的一个桥梁。古人讲究“和”与“睦”，宗族的和谐是社会和谐的基础。通过媒妁，缔结成良缘，“合二姓之好”，使两家建立亲属关系；事情办不成，由于双方有媒妁作缓冲，就不会发生直接正面冲突。“父母的意志为子女婚姻成立或撤消的主要的决定条件,他以自己的意志为子授室,为女许配,又可以命令他的子孙和媳妇离婚,子女的意志从来就不在考虑之列。”[1]“家长有包办子女婚姻的权力,无论子女成年与否,他们的婚事都依据家父的意志决定,甚至无须询问本人的意见。”[2]《孔雀东南飞》一文中焦仲卿和刘兰芝故事让人潸然泪下,因婆婆不喜欢媳妇,百般刁难,使得女方在再婚当天“举身赴清池”[3],投河自尽；男方也“自挂东南枝”,上吊自杀了。陆游与唐琬，只能垂泪吟诗：“一杯愁绪，几年离索，错，错，错！……山盟虽在，锦书难托，莫，莫，莫！”[4]酿成这样的悲剧原因何在?归根到底就是所谓的“父母之命”。为什么古代能奉行包办婚姻,使子女的婚姻权利掌控在父母的手中?婚姻家庭关系随着社会生产关系的发展变化而发展变化，有什么样的社会生产关系，有什么样的社会制度，也就会有什么样的婚姻家庭制度和婚姻家庭形式。中国古代这种婚姻家庭制度是当时社会性质的体现，并与当时社会形态相适应。《礼记·昏义》：婚姻的目的是 “将合二姓之好,上以事宗庙,而下以继后世也”。缔结婚姻一方面是为了外部关系，即“合二姓之好”，也就是通过婚姻这一纽带将两个宗族连接起来，结成一种亲属联盟。古代婚姻是以国家和社会为本位的，并不考虑男女当事人双方的个人利益，所以婚姻制度在我国古代往往带有婚姻以外的政治含义。 另一方面是考虑内部关系，即“上以事宗庙，下以继后世”，也就是祭祀祖先，延续后嗣，古代社会的婚姻主要是用于传宗接代，维系宗法血缘关系，使家庭兴旺，长盛不衰。总之，不管婚姻关系的缔结还是解除，都是出于家庭、家庭利益的需要，而不是为了当事人个人的幸福；婚姻行为实际是家族行为而不是个人行为。家系和宗族利益是包办婚姻的唯一基础，既然是出于亲属集团的利益需要，是家族行为，自然家父和丈夫在家庭中居于至尊地位，妻子和子女则处于无权和服从地位，甚至没有独立的人格，更没有什么婚姻自由可言。中国文化在某种意义上，可谓为“孝的文化”。[5]中国最早的辞书《尔雅》对“孝”的定义为：“善父母为孝”。“将仲子兮！无逾我里，无拆我树杞。岂敢爱也？畏我父母，仲可槐叶，父母之言，亦可畏也” 。孔子认为“孝”必须 “无违”。无违就是绝对服从。而古代婚姻包办性已在一定程度上也受到这一“孝的文化”的影响。《孝经》所宣称的“夫孝，天之经也，地之意也，民之行也” 在古代中国子女心中根深蒂固。他们认为“父母之命”是天经地义的，毫无自我意识。这一思想的禁锢让中国古代的男女本人在很多场合被置于契约客体的地位，却毫无反抗意识。在古代社会中，在运用思想统治这一“软兵器”的同时，还适用法律这一“硬兵器”以确保婚姻制度的目的。夏商以来形成了“罪莫大于不孝”“罚莫大于不孝”的罪行观念及制度。唐律将“不孝”作为“十恶”罪名之一，“不孝”包括告发或咒骂祖父母、父母，父母在世而别籍异财或供养有缺，不按规定服丧等，确立了“君为臣纲，父为子纲，夫为妻纲”原则。古代的“孝”强调它与宗法等级关系密切相连，在很大程度上反映了宗法制下父母尊长对子女卑幼的支配权，主婚权就是对人身支配权重的典型。社会上这种宗法等级制度其实是阶级对立关系的一个缩影。“在中国古代婚姻制度中，男女本人之个性的、情爱的要素被极端地忽视，尤其是女性在这一方面一直处于被压迫的地位。”[6]两性地位的等级性是古代婚姻制度的另一特征，封建社会中妇女是弱势群体，毫无地位可言。恩格斯曾指出：“母权制的被推翻，乃是女性具有世界历史意义的失败。丈夫在家中掌握了权柄，而妻子则被贬低，被奴役，变成丈夫淫欲的奴隶，便成生孩子的简单工具了。”中国古代的男尊女卑思想和制度都是极为突出的，男主女从的不平等关系为封建的礼教和法律所确认，并得到严格的保护。《仪礼·丧服》载：“夫，至尊也。” “夫，天也，妻，地也；夫，日也，妻，月也；夫，阳也，妻，阴也。天尊而处上，地卑而处下。”[7] “夫妇者何谓也？夫者，扶也，扶以人道也。妇者，服业，服于家事，事人者也。”[8]“夫为妻纲”，是封建伦理纲常中的“三纲”之一。这种夫权统治是以男性为中心的封建宗法制度在夫妻关系上的反映，是与封建社会男女两性社会地位的不平等紧密相关的。女性在封建社会中一直处于卑贱、屈从、依附、遭奴役的地位。《礼记》阐述妇女必须遵守“三从”“四德”， 《女诫》规定“事夫如事天，与孝子事父，忠臣事君同也。”，认为女子应该“在家从父，出嫁从夫，夫死从子”，“从一而终”充分说明了夫权的绝对威严和妇女地位的极其低下。夫妻之间，无论是人身关系，还是财产关系，丈夫均处于支配、命令者的地位，妻子则只有屈从。我国古代的“礼”和“法”为男子休妻规定了七种理由，这就是所谓“七出”。《大戴礼记·本命》记载：“妇有七去：不顺父母去，无子去，淫去，妒去，有恶疾去，多言去，窃盗去。”不顺父母，是指儿媳不孝顺公婆，得不到公婆的欢心，尽管妇女没有过错，只要公婆不喜欢儿媳，即可成为出妻的理由。无子，即妻子不生儿子，封建时代的法律规定“四十九以下无子，不合出之”。淫，即指妻子与人通奸。妒忌，在古代封建社会实行一夫一妻多妾制，官宦豪绅除娶一个正妻外，还可以纳妾。如果女子从思想、行为上不准丈夫纳妾，男子可以此为理由将她休掉。恶疾，指妻子患有严重传染性疾病。多言，指妻子多言多语，离间了夫家的亲属关系。窃盗，指妻子擅自动用家庭财产。在古代社会，妻子无权处理家庭财产，私自动用家财就被认为是盗窃。古代女子根据父母的意思一旦缔结了婚姻，就是确定为夫家之成员，在夫家遭受不幸，关系恶劣并受到虐待的场合，社会一般不可能以援救媳妇的立场，加以尝试有效的干涉。这强加在我国古代妇女身上的沉重枷锁，已经背负了太久太久！中国古代封建社会处理婚姻家庭关系的方式也具有独特的一面。中国古代传统法制以维护家族、宗族、国家等团体利益与集体和谐为宗旨，强调社会成员的服从义务，权利意识受到一定的压制，故刑事、行政等公法体系相当发达，民事之类私法相对滞后。有关调整婚姻家庭关系的法律规范，属于刑法和行政管理法的“附属规范”，在法律体系中并未取得独立地位，而是包容在统一法典之中。如从汉朝开始通常以“婚律”“户律”“户婚律”或“婚户律”之名置于诸法合体的成文法。在调整婚姻家庭关系中至关重要的是来源于礼制的习惯法。 “亲亲也、尊尊也、长长也、男女有别”是被称为“不得与民变革”的永恒准则，也是处理婚姻家庭关系的最高原则；“父慈、子孝、兄爱、弟敬、夫和、妻柔、姑慈、妇听”是处理亲属关系的基本伦理要求；“六礼”、“七出”、服制等等都带有宗族习惯法的性质；记载西周政治体制及政府职能的《周礼》则规定了婚姻家庭事务的管理机构和执法标准。在以上四个部分中，除了伦理规范之外，调整婚姻家庭关系的基本原则、宗族习惯法和婚姻行政管理制度都可以纳入婚姻家庭法律规范的范畴。我国进入阶级社会起，宗法制度便起了支配作用，宗法的精神和原则——尊尊、亲亲、男女有别是封建家庭得以建立的重要基础。因此，调整封建家庭的民事立法，是以保证父权，夫权为主要宗旨，它体现在婚姻继承各个方面。但是封建民法中所规定的子女对尊长的赡养义务，虐待父母的子女不得享有继承权，对于维护家庭的稳定性起了重要作用。这些规定在今天看来也具有现实意义。因此，剔除封建家庭法的糟粕仍有值得批判继承的内容。[9]在学习古代婚姻制度过程中，我们看到家长漠视子女的权益，专制独断，将其婚姻当作政治筹码，看到女性背负两千多年的沉重枷锁，看到古代男女婚姻的悲惨与不幸，看到了古代婚姻的包办性、人身的依附性、家庭关系和两性地位的等级性等突出特征。两千多年来，中国婚姻立法有无至有，其间经历的艰辛可想而知。今天，我们需要总结中国法制历史的丰富经验，做到鉴古明今，古为今用，总结建国以来法制建设的经验教训和吸收外国法律知识，在完善婚姻家庭等单行民事法的同时，促进民法典的诞生。

我国古代的婚姻制度是一夫一妻多妾制，即使皇帝也只是有一个老婆，但那个时候的内容只要有条件，可以娶很多个老婆，但那叫妾，不能称妻。妾下面还有通房丫头。只有办了手续的通房丫头才能称妾。中国古代的婚姻制度是中国古代文化史研究的一个重要课题。在人类社会的三大生产中，婚姻是实现人类自身生产的唯一方式，是社会伦理关系的实体。由于人类自身生产使人类的生命得到延续，从而形成各种人际关系以及社会文化心理和礼俗。人类为了生存和发展，必须从事于生产资料和生活日用品的生产，其中一些产品则成为文化的物化成果；而人类精神生产所形成的社会意识形态和价值观念，又作为精神文化反作用于物质生产和人类的自身生产。正是由于婚姻在上述三大生产中占有重要地位，因此被称为“婚姻大事”。中国封建伦理道德把婚姻当做人际关系的开端。《易·系辞》：“天地絪缊，万物化醇。男女构精，万物化生”。自然界由阴、阳二气交感所产生，人类是由男女交接而产生。纳西族东巴经象形文字中有关于人类自然产生的观念，与《易·系辞》的说法相近。在天地之间产生气，气变成蛙，蛙变为人类（男人由天上生，女人由地上生，天地产生人类）。这是对产生人类的原始看法。中国封建社会的伦理规范认为：“昏（婚）礼者，礼之本也。”“男女有别，而后夫妇有义；夫妇有义，而后父子有亲；父子有亲，而后君臣有政”(1)。它把婚姻家庭视为组成社会肌体的胚胎。我国封建社会，妇女没有社会地位,夫为妻纲,妇女的一切只能服从和依赖于丈夫,即使丈夫死了也不准改嫁,从一而终。而男子却可以三妻四妾，皇帝有三宫六院，一般的达官贵人亦都妻妾成群。一个男人能娶多少女人没有受到法律的限制，而这些女人在家庭中的地位也是不同的，只有被称为正室的女人才具有妻子的资格，其余只能处於从属地位。翻开《红楼梦》看看，王夫人和赵姨娘的家庭地位是多么不同，就是她们的儿子在家中的地位也是天壤之别。但在众多妻妾中正室只能是一人，否则，为什么贾宝玉不能同时娶林黛玉和薛宝钗为妻呢？所以我国古代实行的实际上是一种“一夫一妻多妾”的婚姻制度。正因为这种不合理的婚姻制度，千百年来上演了多少人间悲剧？它是强加在我国古代妇女身上的沉重枷锁。中国婚姻关系的本质精髓所在，即为“伦理”。它刚开始是作为一种社会风气习俗以及道德观念而存在，直至唐朝才以法律的形式完整而全面的确认了这种封建伦常关系，制定了一套完整的封建婚姻家庭制度，即《唐律•户婚律》。《唐律•户婚律》是关于户籍、土地、赋税以及婚姻家庭制度等方面的法律。其中的婚姻家庭制度包括了婚姻关系的缔结、保持以及解除。在此本文仅从婚姻家庭制度中婚姻关系的解除方面来看唐朝伦理道德思想渗入社会生活乃至婚姻关系的状况。《唐律•户婚律》对离婚有二种规定。第一，强制离婚，它包括官府强制离婚和丈夫强制离婚。官府强制离婚是指夫妻凡发现有“违律为婚”、“嫁娶违律”、“义绝”者，实施强制离婚。丈夫强制离婚是指妻子犯了“七出”之条，丈夫提出的强制离婚，即所谓的“出妻”“休妻”；第二，协议离婚，是指夫妻双方自愿离异，即所谓“和离”。

Differences Between Chinese Marriage Custom and Western Marriage Custom 中西方婚俗的差异AbstractThere are many procedures in Chinese marriage custom. The book propriety and ceremony, which records earliest wedding ceremony, says that marriage includes six etiquettes, namely, proposing, asking the name, asking for fortune, sending betrothal presents to the girl's family, discussing the date of marriage and meeting the bride. In western marriage, there are four procedures. They are proposal, changing surnames, choosing the day and holding the wedding. As the different religions, cultural origins, marriage concepts and geographies, there are many differences existing in the two kinds of marriage customs. In Chinese marriage custom, the matchmaker functions almost all the time and youths have no right to choose and women are not on an equal footing with men. By contrast, in western marriage custom, the priest functions and the youths have legal right to choose whom they want to marry and men and women are equal. There also exist common things in the two sides. They have been maintained for thousands of years. But in recent years (especially after the founding of modern China), people have tended to discard some of the details and advocate simplified marriage procedures and wedding ceremonies.Key WordsMarriage custom; differences; reasons摘 要中国婚俗有着许多的仪式。最早记载婚礼习俗的《仪礼》云：“婚有六礼，纳采、问名、 纳吉、纳征、请期、亲迎。”而在西方国家主要有4个程序，即建议，改姓，选期和举行婚礼。由于宗教、文化根源、婚姻观念以及地理环境的不同在一定程度上导致了中西方婚俗的不同。在中国婚俗中，媒人起着决定性的作用，而作为婚姻当事人的青年男女却没有选择的自由和权力，而且男女在婚姻中的不平等现象也屡有出现。 在西方，是牧师在婚姻中起作用，并且青年男女有合法的权力去选择自己的夫婿或妻子。当然中西方的婚俗也存在相同的地方。它们存在了上千年之久。近年来（特别是新中国成立之后），中西结合的婚姻屡有出现。关键词婚俗；差异；原因IntroductionMarriage is formed in a long historical evolution of the marriage custom in a nation. It is the regularity of the activities that restrains people's awareness of marriage and marriage. Marriage custom’s binding does not depend on the law, and it can not rely on science tests neither, but on the force of habit, traditional culture and national psychology. During the development of human history, the institution of marriage and family system has experienced different processes of development. Human have experienced group marriage, the dual system of marriage and individual marriage system (monogamy).As a union of a man and a woman and a family formation stage, marriage includes not only marriage, but also the preparation phase for the marriage and the performance stage after the festivities. It runs through the whole process of life. These customs, as a national symbol and cultural development, plays a very important role in ethnic studies and the history of mankind.China is a country with an ancient civilization and a long history, and many customs. Among so many customs, there is a particular marriage custom. This custom goes through various and long stages of development from ancient simple wedding ceremony to later complex ceremony, from feudal marriage custom to the modern free marriage custom. During these courses, people’s ideas are progressing, though we can not say that their ideas are up to the top of mankind’s ideas in all over the world at all over the time because there are still backward ideas existing in many places, in many people’s mind and they maybe will still exist for a long time. However, they are up to the top of mankind’s ideas in a certain stage of the uninterrupted development of ideas.Greek civilization is the base of western culture. Britain plays an important role in western history and western culture, and of course marriage custom.Comparing with each other, they are different in many aspects such as in right aspect and in freedom aspect and there are many reasons that result in these differences such as cultural reason and geographical reason. I. Chinese Marriage CustomLike other folk, marriage custom has the same development and evolving process. In the early days of humanity, the human relationship in a very long period of time still carried the irregular relations like the animal world. There was no marriage at all, if suggest some, the only "arbitrary marriage." In China, marriage has gone through for a long time. As a most grand etiquette, it has always been a high degree of attention. To control the marriage, the family and the whole society, since the beginning of Zhou Dynasty, Chinese marriage should comply with six procedures, which is the so-called "six etiquettes." And Later in Tang and Ming Dynasty in China, marriage also complied with the "six etiquettes". As time goes by, although many wedding customs experienced various changes "Six etiquettes" as the basic pattern has not changed much. It is still essential and core in marriage custom.Marriage has changed much today, but in many places, there still remains traditional marriage custom.In feudal society, a marriage would be decided not by the youths’ love, but by their parents' desires. Only after a matchmaker's introduction and when parents considered the two family conditions were similar and could be matched, would the marriage procedures went forward. Conditions that should be taken into consideration included wealth and social status. If a boy's family was well-off or an official family, his parents would never permit him to marry a girl from a poor family. Essential to the marriage process were the commonly recognized 'three Letters and six etiquettes'. The three letters were the betrothal letter, the gift letter with a gifts list and the wedding letter used on the day the bridegroom met his bride at her home. The book propriety and ceremony, which records earliest wedding ceremony, says that marriage, usually, involves six necessary procedures, namely, proposing, asking the name, asking for fortune, sending betrothal present to girl's family, discussing date of marriage and meeting the bride.A. Proposing:Proposing is the first etiquette in marriage and is the first meet between the members in the two families. Thus, it is very important. Using a common expression, it is making an offer of marriage to another family on behalf of the son or daughter.If the parents thought that the girl could be the daughter-in-law in old times, they would ask a matchmaker for sending the gifts and bring the son and the girl together. If the girl’s parents also agreed on the marriage, they would accept the gifts. People usually used a wild goose when sending the gifts. Because the wild gooses could fly to the south or the north according to the seasons and they would never change it which implied the woman would be punctual and also because when the wild gooses flied they were in a row and when they stopped they were in a line which implied that woman should comply with the marriage rules and arrange in order that one should not breach it.B. Asking the NameIt aims to ask for girl’s name and pray.In ancient times the girl’s name would not be known by other people until the girl was in an age of marriage. First, one must have the matchmaker and inform of the man’s family through a card. And the man’s family would lastly receipt for postal remittance. Thus it can be seen that “asking the name” not only meant that the man’s family wanted to know the girl’s name, but also wrote down the woman’s birthday and Eight-characters (in four pairs denoting the time, date, month and year of a person’s birth, each pair consisting of one Heavenly Stem and one Earthly Branch, used in fortune-telling). If the birthday and Eight-characters were not harm the man, the man’s family would lastly receipt for postal remittance. Sometimes the woman’s parents also wrote down the official position of the woman’s great-grandpa, grandpa and father and the dowry that could be supplied. What’s interesting is that during this progress it was the matchmaker that functioned, not the man’s family or the woman’s family. Matchmaker was also important in the other procedures. In traditional Chinese marriage, people believed “behest of the parents and proposal of a matchmaker”. That’s why many marriages in the past were arranged by parents and matchmakers. Matchmaker’s proposal was the marriage’s valid basis in Tang dynasty.It has been simplified today. Many marriage does not need this process.C. Asking for Fortune After asking the name, the bridegroom’s side had got the woman’s birthday and Eight-Characters and they went to consult a fortune-teller then which was called “asking for fortune”. It included two aspects of contents. One was consult the female virtues. Ancient people regarded female virtues as the most important one in the gospel of three obedience that were obedience to one’s father before marriage, to one’s husband after marriage, and to one’s son after one’s husband’s death and four virtues that was morality, proper speech, modest manner, and diligent work for a woman according to Confucian ethics.Zhong lichun, Zhuge Liang’s wife (Zhuge Liang was a statesman and strategist in the period of the Three Kingdoms, now a symbol of wisdom in Chinese folklore) was famous for her ugliness, wisdom and high female virtues. A man in old times always had many wives. In order to solidifying and stead in the family, people paid much attention to female virtues. Hence there was the saw “Marry wife is marrying virtues and take a concubine is marrying appearance”.The other one was consult good or bad luck. If they were not fit for each other in Eight-Characters according to the birthday and what’s more, the woman would harm the man, the result was that this marriage would not be held and would be cancelled. If the result was fit for each other and moreover the woman would make the man prosperous, the man’s side would inform the woman’s side through the matchmaker and send the betrothal gifts and exchange cards. Thus the marriage was actually decided to be held.D. Sending Betrothal Presents to the Girl’s FamilyThe book propriety and ceremony wrote by the scholars in Han dynasty regards it as sending money. If there is no receipt of gifts, there is no marriage. Hence whether receipt the gifts or not is the implication of the agreement of the marriage by the woman’s side.The significance of it includes two aspects of meaning. One is the thanks for the woman’s parents because the parents feed up her. The other is help the woman’s family prepare for dowry.E. Discussing the Date of MarriageIn the past, the bridegroom’s side decided the lucky day and sent the matchmaker to inform of the woman’s family. People paid much attention to the marriage time. They usually had a person looked at the almanac or asked for fortune. They liked having marriage in spring or autumn because spring was the time that everything comes back to life and time when spring was changing into summer and was favor to pregnant with new life; autumn was the season of harvest. After the labor for a year, people had enough money to hold the marriage.Nowadays, it is also an important event. People pay many attentions to it.F. Meeting the BrideThe marriage is finally held after the five procedures. In the past, the bridegroom wore wedding suit, riding on a horse, and guided the bridal sedan chair to marry the bride on the day. And the bride wore a red cheongsam waiting for the bridegroom. Now, the bridegroom wares western suit, and the bride wares wedding dress and usually in a car.待续

因为当时离婚的费用太高，而且过程十分的繁琐，在那样的环境下，即使生活并不幸福，也不会离婚，因为离婚对他们来说代价太大。

我国古代的婚姻制度是一夫一妻多妾制，即使皇帝也只是有一个老婆，但那个时候的内容只要有条件，可以娶很多个老婆，但那叫妾，不能称妻。妾下面还有通房丫头。只有办了手续的通房丫头才能称妾。如《红楼梦》里的赵姨娘。中国古代的婚姻制度是中国古代文化史研究的一个重要课题。在人类社会的三大生产中，婚姻是实现人类自身生产的唯一方式，是社会伦理关系的实体。由于人类自身生产使人类的生命得到延续，从而形成各种人际关系以及社会文化心理和礼俗。人类为了生存和发展，必须从事于生产资料和生活日用品的生产，其中一些产品则成为文化的物化成果；而人类精神生产所形成的社会意识形态和价值观念，又作为精神文化反作用于物质生产和人类的自身生产。正是由于婚姻在上述三大生产中占有重要地位，因此被称为“婚姻大事”。中国封建伦理道德把婚姻当做人际关系的开端。《易·系辞》：“天地絪缊，万物化醇。男女构精，万物化生”。自然界由阴、阳二气交感所产生，人类是由男女交接而产生。纳西族东巴经象形文字中有关于人类自然产生的观念，与《易·系辞》的说法相近。在天地之间产生气，气变成蛙，蛙变为人类（男人由天上生，女人由地上生，天地产生人类）。这是对产生人类的原始看法。中国封建社会的伦理规范认为：“昏（婚）礼者，礼之本也。”“男女有别，而后夫妇有义；夫妇有义，而后父子有亲；父子有亲，而后君臣有政”(1)。它把婚姻家庭视为组成社会肌体的胚胎。我国封建社会，妇女没有社会地位,夫为妻纲,妇女的一切只能服从和依赖于丈夫,即使丈夫死了也不准改嫁,从一而终。而男子却可以三妻四妾，皇帝有三宫六院，一般的达官贵人亦都妻妾成群。一个男人能娶多少女人没有受到法律的限制，而这些女人在家庭中的地位也是不同的，只有被称为正室的女人才具有妻子的资格，其余只能处於从属地位。翻开《红楼梦》看看，王夫人和赵姨娘的家庭地位是多么不同，就是她们的儿子在家中的地位也是天壤之别。但在众多妻妾中正室只能是一人，否则，为什么贾宝玉不能同时娶林黛玉和薛宝钗为妻呢？所以我国古代实行的实际上是一种“一夫一妻多妾”的婚姻制度。正因为这种不合理的婚姻制度，千百年来上演了多少人间悲剧？它是强加在我国古代妇女身上的沉重枷锁。指从议婚至完婚过程中的六种礼节，即：纳采、问名、纳吉、纳征、请期、亲迎。这一娶亲程式，周代即已确立，最早见于《礼记·昏义》。以后各代大多沿袭周礼，但名目和内容有所更动。一、纳采六礼之首礼。男方欲与女方结亲，请媒妁往女方提亲，得到应允后，再请媒妁正式向女家纳“采择之礼”。《仪礼·士昏礼》：“昏礼，下达纳采。用雁。”古纳采礼的礼物只用雁。纳采是全部婚姻程序的开始。后世纳采仪式基本循周制，而礼物另有规定。二、问名六礼中第二礼。即男方遣媒人到女家询问女方姓名，生辰八字。取回庚贴后，卜吉合八字。《仪礼·士昏礼》：“宾执雁，请问名；主人许，宾入授。”郑玄注：“问名者，将归卜其吉凶。”贾公彦疏：“问名者，问女之姓氏。”三、纳吉六礼中第三礼。是男方问名、合八字后，将卜婚的吉兆通知女方，并送礼表示要订婚的礼仪。古时，纳吉也要行奠雁礼。郑玄注：“归卜于庙，得吉兆，复使使者往告，婚姻之事于是定。” 四、纳征亦称纳成、纳币。六礼中第四礼。就是男方向女方送聘礼。《礼记·昏义》孔颖达疏：“纳征者，纳聘财也。征，成也。先纳聘财而后婚成。”男方是在纳吉得知女方允婚后才可行纳征礼的，行纳征礼不用雁，是六礼唯一不用雁的礼仪，可见古人义礼之分明。历代纳征的礼物各有定制，民间多用首饰、细帛等项为女行聘，谓之纳币，后演变为财礼。五、请期又称告期，俗称选日子。六礼中第五礼。是男家派人到女家去通知成亲迎娶的日期。《仪礼·士昏礼》：“请期用雁，主人辞，宾许告期，如纳征礼。”请期仪式历代相同，即男家派使进去女家请期，送礼，然后致辞，说明所定婚期，女父表示接受，最后使者返回复命。六、亲迎又称迎亲。六礼中第六礼。是新郎亲自迎娶新娘回家的礼仪。《诗经·大雅·大明》：“大邦有子， 天之妹，女定阙祥，亲迎于渭。”亲迎礼始于周代，女王成婚时也曾亲迎于渭水。此礼历代沿袭，为婚礼的开端。亲迎礼形式多样。至清代，新郎亲迎，披红戴花，或乘马，或坐轿到女家，傧相赞引拜其岳父母以及诸亲。岳家为加双花披红作交文，御轮三周，先归。新娘由其兄长等用锦衾裹抱至轿内。轿起，女家亲属数人伴送，称“送亲”，新郎在家迎侯。聘娶六礼中，雁是最重要的礼品。后汉班固在《白虎通·嫁娶》对用雁作为礼品作了解释：“《礼》曰：女子十五许嫁，纳采、问名、纳吉、请期、亲迎，以雁为贽。纳征用玄熏，故不用雁也。贽用雁者，取其随时而南北，不失其节，明不夺女子之时也；又是随阳之鸟，妻从夫之义也；又取飞成行，止成列也，明嫁娶之礼，长幼有序，不相逾越也。又昏礼贽不用死雉，故用雁也。”古人以雁为礼，一取雁是候鸟，每年秋分时节南去，春分时节北返，来往有时，从不失信。喻男女婚前互守信约，婚后夫妻坚贞不渝。二取雁是随阳之鸟，喻妇人出嫁从夫；三取雁行有序，飞时成行，止时成列，迁徙中老壮雁率前引导，幼弱雁尾随跟紧，井然不紊，喻嫁娶之礼，长幼有序，不相逾越。由于雁是飞禽，很难捕捉，后人以鹅代雁，谓之“雁鹅”。 经过此“六礼”，婚姻正式成立。如此复杂漫长的过程，都是由“父母之命。媒妁之言”从中牵引，而真正结婚的男女双方都未直接参与，只有在结婚完成之后才见对方模样。如此玄妙的结合，是谓千里姻缘一线牵，男女之间的姻缘，要经过媒人的物色，经过生辰八字批合吉凶，就仿佛两个今生素不相识的人，不知经过几世的修缘，今生在出生之时，就以定下姻缘，共度一生。我国古代社会实行许可离婚、专权离婚、限制离婚的制度。反映在离婚方式上，以“出妻”为主，以“义绝”、“和离”和一定条件下的“呈诉离婚”为补充。第一，出妻制度。出妻，即男子强制休妻，是我国古代社会最主要的离婚方式。我国古代的“礼”和“法”为男子休妻规定了七种理由，这就是所谓“七出”。《大戴礼记·本命》记载：“妇有七去：不顺父母去，无子去，淫去，妒去，有恶疾去，多言去，窃盗去。”不顺父母，是指儿媳不孝顺公婆，得不到公婆的欢心，尽管妇女没有过错，只要公婆不喜欢儿媳，即可成为出妻的理由。无子，即妻子不生儿子，封建时代的法律规定“四十九以下无子，不合出之”。淫，即指妻子与人通奸。妒忌，在古代社会，官宦豪绅除娶一个正妻外，还可以纳妾。如果女子从思想、行为上不准丈夫纳妾，男子可以此为理由将她休掉。恶疾，指妻子患有严重传染性疾病，据考证，这里的恶疾，主要指的是麻风病。多言，指妻子多言多语，离间了夫家的亲属关系。窃盗，指妻子擅自动用家庭财产。在古代社会，妻子对家庭财产没有处理权，私自动用家财就被认为是盗窃。为维护封建道德，古代婚姻制度又规定了三种丈夫不得休妻的法定事由，客观上取得了保护女性权利的效果。这就是所谓的“三不去”，即使妻子有“七出”的理由，丈夫也不得将其休弃。其内容，按照《大戴礼》所记载为：“有所取无所归”、“与更三年丧”、“前贫贱后富贵”。即：妻子无娘家可归、无所依附的，不能休；和丈夫一起为公婆服过三年丧的，不能休；结婚时夫家贫贱，曾与夫同甘共苦，后来富贵了，不能休。第二，和离制度。和离制度是我国封建社会一种允许夫妻通过协议自愿离异的法律制度。但在男尊女卑的封建社会里，妇女受着传统的“三从四德”和贞操观念的严重束缚，很难真正实现其离婚的愿望。所谓和离，大多是一种协议休妻或“放妻”，往往成为男方为掩盖“出妻”原因，以避免“家丑外扬”而采取的一种变通形式。第三，义绝制度。义绝制度不是独立的离婚制度，而是一种刑事案件附带的民事法律后果。如果夫妻之间，夫妻一方与他方的一定亲属间，或者双方的一定亲属间发生了法律所指明的相互侵害如殴斗、相杀等犯罪事件，在追究犯罪人刑事责任的同时，夫妻关系必须解除。 义绝具有强制性，合当义绝而不绝者要受到处罚。第四，呈诉离婚制度。所谓呈诉离婚，即发生特定事由时由官司处断的离婚。依封建法律规定，如果“妻背夫在逃”、“夫逃亡三年”、“夫逼妻为娼”、“翁欺奸男妇”等，男女双方都可以呈诉要求解除婚姻关系。