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means of mum`s loveTime is running out for my friend. While we are sitting at lunch she casually mentions she and her husband are thinking of starting a family. "We're taking a survey,"she says, half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?" "It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I know,"she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous holidays..." But that's not what I mean at all. I look at my friend, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will be vulnerable forever. I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without thinking: "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for child care, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting, and she will think her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her child is all right.I want my friend to know that every decision will no longer be routine. That a five-year-old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at a restaurant will become a major dilemma. The issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in the lavatory. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive friend, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the added weight of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her own life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. She would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years—not to accomplish her own dreams—but to watch her children accomplish theirs. I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to hit a ball. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it hurts.My friend's look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I say finally. Then, squeezing my friend's hand, I offer a prayer for her and me and all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this holiest of callings.时光任苒，朋友已经老大不小了。我们坐在一起吃饭的时候，她漫不经心地提到她和她的丈夫正考虑要小孩。“我们正在做一项调查，”她半开玩笑地说。“你觉得我应该要个小孩吗？”“他将改变你的生活。”我小心翼翼地说道，尽量使语气保持客观。“这我知道。”她答道，“周末睡不成懒觉，再也不能随心所欲休假了……”但我说的绝非这些。我注视着朋友，试图整理一下自己的思绪。我想让她知道她永远不可能在分娩课上学到的东西。我想让她知道：分娩的有形伤疤可以愈合，但是做母亲的情感伤痕却永远如新，她会因此变得十分脆弱。我想告诫她：做了母亲后，每当她看报纸时就会情不自禁地联想：“如果那件事情发生在我的孩子身上将会怎样啊！”每一次飞机失事、每一场住宅火灾都会让她提心吊胆。看到那些忍饥挨饿的孩子们的照片时，她会思索：世界上还有什么比眼睁睁地看着自己的孩子饿死更惨的事情呢？我打量着她精修细剪的指甲和时尚前卫的衣服，心里想到：不管她打扮多么考究，做了母亲后，她会变得像护崽的母熊那样原始而不修边幅。我觉得自己应该提醒她，不管她在工作上投入了多少年，一旦做了母亲，工作就会脱离常规。她自然可以安排他人照顾孩子，但说不定哪天她要去参加一个非常重要的商务会议，却忍不住想起宝宝身上散发的甜甜乳香。她不得不拼命克制自己，才不致于为了看看孩子是否安然无羔而中途回家。我想告诉朋友，有了孩子后，她将再也不能按照惯例做出决定。在餐馆，5岁的儿子想进男厕而不愿进女厕将成为摆在她眼前的一大难题：她将在两个选择之间权衡一番：尊重孩子的独立和性别意识，还是让他进男厕所冒险被潜在的儿童性骚扰者侵害？任凭她在办公室多么果断，作为母亲，她仍经常事后后悔自己当时的决定。注视着我的这位漂亮的朋友，我想让她明确地知道，她最终会恢复到怀孕前的体重，但是她对自己的感觉已然不同。她现在视为如此重要的生命将随着孩子的诞生而变得不那么宝贵。为了救自己的孩子，她时刻愿意献出自己的生命。但她也开始希望多活一些年头，不是为了实现自己的梦想，而是为了看着孩子们美梦成真。我想向朋友形容自己看到孩子学会击球时的喜悦之情。我想让她留意宝宝第一次触摸狗的绒毛时的捧腹大笑。我想让她品尝快乐，尽管这快乐真实得令人心痛。朋友的表情让我意识到自己已经是热泪盈眶。“你永远不会后悔，”我最后说。然后紧紧地握住朋友的手，为她、为自己、也为每一位艰难跋涉、准备响应母亲职业神圣的召唤的平凡女性献上自己的祈祷A Box Full Of Kisses Once upon a time, a man punished his 5-year-old daughter for using up the family's only roll of expensive gold wrapping paper. Money was tight, and he became even more upset when on Christmas Eve, he saw that the child had pasted the gold paper so as to decorate a shoebox to put under the Christmas tree. Nevertheless, the next morning the little girl, filled with excitement, brought the gift box to her father and said, "This is for you, Daddy!" As he opened the box, the father was embarrassed by his earlier overreaction. But when he opened it, he found it was empty and again his anger flared. "Don't you know, young lady,” he said harshly, “when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside the package!" The little girl looked up at him with tears rolling from her eyes and said: "Daddy, it's not empty. I blew kisses into it until it was all full." The father was crushed. He fell on his knees and put his arms around his precious little girl. He begged her to forgive him for his unnecessary anger. An accident took the life of the child only a short time later. It is told that the father kept that little gold box by his bed for all the years of his life. Whenever he was discouraged or faced difficult problems he would open the box, take out an imaginary kiss, and remember the love of this beautiful child who had put it there. In a very real sense, each of us as human beings have been given an invisible golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from our children, family, friends and God. There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.从前,一位父亲惩罚了自己5岁的女儿,因为她用光了家里仅有的一卷昂贵的金色包装纸。家中余钱无多，在圣诞前夜来临时，父亲变得更加心烦意乱，他看到了圣诞树下的一个鞋盒，女儿原来把金纸贴在了这个鞋盒上做装饰。然而，圣诞日的早上，小女孩满是兴奋得把这个圣诞礼盒呈到了父亲面前，说到：“爸爸，这个送给你！”当父亲打开礼盒时，他为自己先前的过度反应而局促不安着。但是当他打开盒子后，发现里面是空的，他的怒火再次爆发了。“你不知道吗，小丫头，”他严厉地说，“当你送人礼物时，盒子里面应该是有东西的！”小女孩抬头看着气头上的父亲，泪水在她的眼眶中打圈：“爸爸，它不是空的。这里面装满了我的吻。”男人顿时被击垮了。他跪下双膝，双手环抱着自己珍爱的小女孩，祈求她的原谅。之后不久，一场事故夺走了小女孩的生命。据说，父亲便将那个小金盒子放在床头，一直陪伴着他的余生。无论何时他感到气馁或者遇到难办的事情，他就会打开礼盒，取出一个假想的吻，记起漂亮女儿给予了自己特殊的爱。从一个非常真实的意义上说，我们每个人都被赠与过一个无形的金色礼盒，那里面装满了来自子女，家人，朋友及上帝无条件的爱与吻。人们所能拥有的最珍贵的礼物莫过于此了。Love and Time Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others, including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all constructed boats and left. Except for Love.Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to hold out until the last possible moment.When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help.Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said,"Richness, can you take me with you?"Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel. "Vanity, please help me!""I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.Sadness was close by so Love asked, "Sadness, let me go with you.""Oh . . . Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"Happiness passed by Love, too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her. Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come, Love, I will take you." It was an elder. So blessed and overjoyed, Love even forgot to ask the elder where they were going. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Realizing how much was owed the elder, Love asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who Helped me?""It was Time," Knowledge answered."Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how valuable Love is."从前有一个岛，所有的情感都住在那里：幸福、悲伤、知识和所有其它的，爱也不例外。一天，所有的情感听说小岛即将沉没，因此建造小船，纷纷离开，除了爱。爱是唯一留下来的，因为它希望能坚持到最后一刻。小岛即将沉没了，爱决定请求帮助。富有驾着一艘大船从爱身边经过，爱说，“富有，你能带上我么？”富有回答说：“不行，我的船上载满金银财宝，没有你的地方。”虚荣坐在漂亮的小船中从爱身边驶过，爱问：“虚荣，你能帮助我么？”虚荣说：“不行，你全身湿透，会弄脏我的船。”悲伤的船靠近了，爱问：“悲伤，请带我走吧。”“哦... 爱，我太难过了，想一个人呆着。”幸福经过爱的身边，它太开心了，根本没听见爱在呼唤。突然，一个声音喊道：“来，爱，我带你走。” 声音来自“年老”。爱太高兴了，甚至忘了问他们即将去何方。当他们来到岸上，年老自己离开了。爱突然意识到“年老”给了它多大的帮助。于是，爱问另一位老者--知识：“谁帮助了我？”知识说：“是时间。”“时间？”爱问：“但是时间为什么帮助我？”知识睿智地微笑道：“因为只有时间了解爱的价值。”The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more but enjoy less. 我们这个时代在历史上的说法就是我们拥有更高的建筑，但是有更暴的脾气；我们拥有更宽阔的高速公路，却有更狭隘的观点；我们花费得更多，拥有得却更少；我们购买得更多却享受得更少。 We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness. 我们的房子越来越大，家庭却越来越小；便利越来越多，时间却越来越少；学位越来越多，感觉却越来越少；知识越来越多，观点却越来越少；专家越来越多，问题也越来越多；药物越来越多，健康却越来越少。 We drink too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. 我们喝得太多，花钱大手大脚，笑得太少，开车太快，易怒，熬夜，赖床，书读得越来越少，电视看得越来越多，却很少向上帝祈祷。 We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life; we’ve added years to life, not life to years. 我们常常夸夸其谈，却很少付出爱心，且常常心中充满了仇恨。我们学会了如何谋生，而不知如何生活。我们延长了生命的期限，而不是生活的期限。 We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We’ve conquered outer space, but not inner space; we’ve done larger things, but not better things. 我们登上了月球，并成功返回，却不能穿过街道去拜访新邻居。我们已经征服了太空，却征服不了自己的内心；我们的事业越做越大，但质量却没有提高。 We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we’ve split the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less; we plan more, but accomplish less. 我们清洁了空气，却污染了灵魂；我们分离了原子，却无法驱除我们的偏见；我们写得更多，学到的却更少；我们的计划更多，完成的却更少。 We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait; we have higher incomes, but, lower morals. 我们学会了奔跑，却忘记了如何等待；我们的收入越来越高，道德水平却越来越低。 We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; we’ve become long on quantity, but short on quality. 我们制造了更多的计算机来存储更多的信息，制造了最多的副本，却减少了交流；我们开始渴望数量，但忽视了质量。 These are the days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but more broken homes. 这个时代有双收入，但也有了更高的离婚率；有更华丽的房屋，却有更多破碎的家庭。 These are the days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. Where are we heading...? 这个时代有了快速旅游，免洗尿布，却抛弃了道德、一夜情、超重的身体，以及可以从快乐中走向静止和自杀的药物。我们将走向何方……？ If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. 如果我们明天就死掉，我们为之工作的公司可能会在一天内很轻易地找人代替我们的位置。但是当我们离开家人后，他们的余生将会在失落中度过。 And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family an unwise investment indeed. 考虑一下吧，我们将自己的时间更多地投入到工作中，而放弃与家人在一起的时光，实在并非明智之举。 So what is the morale of the story?那么这则故事的主旨是什么呢?Don’t work too hard... and you know what’s the full word of family? 不要工作得太辛苦，你知道家的全称吗？ FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER, (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU.

1 Department of Community Medicine, University of Hong Kong, 21 Sassoon Road, Pokfulam, Hong Kong, China,2 Department of Health, Student Health Service, 4/F Lam Tin Polyclinic, Kowloon, Hong Kong, China,3 Nuffield Department of Clinical Medicine, University of Oxford, Oxford OX2 6HE Introduction Passive smoking can cause death from lung cancer and coronary heart disease, but there is little evidence for associations with other causes of death in never smokers. A recent study showed increased all cause mortality with exposure to secondhand smoke at home but did not examine associations with specific causes of death and dose-response relations.1 We have published estimates of the mortality attributable to active smoking in Hong Kong2 and now present the related findings on passive smoking at home. Participants, methods, and results Details of the sample selection and data collection have been reported.2 Each person who reported a death in 1998 at four death registries was given a questionnaire which asked about the lifestyle 10 years earlier of the decedent and of a living person about the same age who was well known to the informant. Passive smoking was identified in the interview with the question, "Ten years ago, in about 1988, excluding the decedent/control, how many persons who lived with the decedent/control smoked" Decedents or controls who lived with one or more smokers were classed as exposed. Cause of death was obtained from the death certificate. We selected never smoking decedents and controls aged 60 years or over because there were few younger controls. To avoid selection bias, we included only cases and controls who had a living spouse at the time of reporting. We used logistic regression to derive odds ratios adjusted for age and education, and for sex when men and women were combined. What is known on this topic There is strong evidence that passive smoking is causally associated with death from lung cancer, coronary heart disease, and all causes, and also with acute stroke What this study adds The dose-response relation between passive smoking and mortality from stroke and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, as well as from lung cancer, ischaemic heart disease, and all causes of death, strengthens the causal link We identified 4838 never smoking cases (55% male) and 763 never smoking controls (55% male). All controls were used in the analysis for each specific cause of death. We found significant dose dependent associations between passive smoking and mortality from lung cancer, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, stroke, ischaemic heart disease, and from all cancers, all respiratory and circulatory diseases, and all causes (table). The association between mortality and passive smoking did not differ between males and females. Deaths due to injury or poisoning were not associated with passive smoking. Number of subjects who were or were not exposed to secondhand smoke at home and odds ratios (adjusted for age and education, and for sex when men and women were combined) for mortality in people aged 60 or over, Hong Kong. Values are odds ratio (95% confidence interval) unless indicated otherwise Comment Dose dependent associations between passive smoking and causes of death are consistent with previous findings for lung cancer and coronary heart disease and extend the evidence on stroke. Previous studies have shown associations between passive smoking and first acute strokes,3 4 and we have now shown a dose-response relation with mortality from stroke. Previous studies focused on ischaemic strokes but Chinese populations have a greater incidence of haemorrhagic stroke than do white populations,5 implying that many of the strokes in our study may have been non-ischaemic. Passive smoking probably affects all stroke subtypes, as does active smoking. Our finding of a 34% increase in all cause mortality is consistent with but higher than that (15%) in the New Zealand cohort.1 Exposure to secondhand smoke at home is higher in Hong Kong than in New Zealand due to crowded living conditions. Before the 1990s, awareness of the danger of passive smoking was lower and smokers smoked freely at home. We focused on passive smoking at home because the proxy reporter could most reliably supply these data, and we adjusted for education, which was also reliably recorded2 and is a good proxy for social class in Hong Kong. As data on cases and controls were derived from the same proxy, reporting bias should be minimal.2 If our results are not due to residual confounding, they provide further evidence that the dose-response associations between passive smoking and stroke and all cause mortality are likely to be causal. See Editorial by Kawachi This article was posted on bmj.com on 27 January 2005: We thank W L Cheung for help with analysis; the Immigration Department of the Government of the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region for data and assistance; and, in particular, the relatives who provided information. Contributors: THL, SYH, AJH, KHM, and RP designed and carried out the study on which this analysis was based; SMcG, MS, LMH, and GNT planned and carried out this analysis; and all authors contributed to writing the paper. SMcG and THL are guarantors. Funding: Hong Kong Health Services Research Committee (#631012) and Hong Kong Council on Smoking and Health. Competing interests: THL is vice chairman and AJH a former chairman of the Hong Kong Council on Smoking and Health. Ethical approval: Ethics Committee of the Faculty of Medicine, University of Hong Kong. References Hill SE, Blakely TA, Kawachi I, Woodward A. Mortality among never smokers living with smokers: two cohort studies, 1981-4 and 1996-9. BMJ 2004;328: 988-9. Lam TH, Ho SY, Hedley AJ, Mak KH, Peto R. Mortality and smoking in Hong Kong: case-control study of all adult deaths in 1998. BMJ 2001;323: 361-2. Bonita R, Duncan J, Truelson T, Jackson RT, Beaglehole R. Passive smoking as well as active smoking increases the risk of acute stroke. Tobacco Control 1999;8: 156-60. Iribarren C, Darbinian J, Klatsky AL, Friedman GD. Cohort study of exposure to environmental tobacco smoke and risk of first ischemic stroke and transient ischemic attack. Neuroepidemiology 2004;23: 38-44. Kay R, Woo J, Kreel L, Wong HY, Teoh R, Nicholls MG. Stroke subtypes among Chinese living in Hong Kong: the Shatin stroke registry. Neurology 1992;42: 985-7.

我们大概都曾经怀抱这样一种心情：因缘巧合，你抬头望见尖尖的月牙挂在柳梢上。于是此后的几个夜里，你总是下意识地瞥一眼青天上的皓月，不知不觉地中在盼望月圆之夜。可是当这个夜晚真正来临，皎洁的月光与你撞了个满怀，你非但没有预料中的欣喜，反倒生出了许多莫名的感伤，惆怅。月亮的盈亏是这样，缺陷与完美亦如此。我们总以为缺陷就是成功的绊脚石，是雨后鲜花上的一点污泥，是道德品行上的一颗黑痣，却没有察觉是缺陷让追求完美成为可能。缺陷并不妨碍我们追求完美。左丘失明，孙子膑脚，司马迁幽于缧绁，却能彪炳青史。海伦凯勒从小失聪、失明，丘吉尔自幼口吃，前者在黑暗中用文字给亿万读者带来光明，后者在二战中发表的演说今日听来依旧振奋人心。然而，完美却是一种绝境。“水至清则无鱼,人至察则无徒。”若没有“潭中鱼可百许头，皆若空游无所依”的情趣，清澈又有什么值得欣赏？人生俯仰一世，看破红尘而不能造福于人，贤能也就失去了价值。何况完美如满月，“夜夜减清辉”。完美往往蒙蔽了追求者的双眼，使人失去前进的动力，乃至倒退。海德格尔曾言：“在人生这所学校，与其是幸福，毋宁是不幸才是好的老师。”在史铁生眼中：“每个人都是残疾的”。他们讲述了同一个道理：缺陷是客观存在的，而且正是缺陷促使我们追求完美。鲁迅洞悉的社会的丑陋、缺陷，于是诞生了伟大的作品。它们如火炬一般照亮了民族前进的道路。卡夫卡经历了缺陷的童年，成人后又不得不面对“无身份 ”、丧失精神家园的恐惧，这只奥地利的寒鸦才创作出《审判》《城堡》这些小说史上划时代的作品，成为西方现代文学的三大鼻祖之一。是缺陷，启发作家用笔开创新世纪。是缺陷，指引人类不懈追求完美。是缺陷，为历史的延伸及前进提供了河床。“众里寻他千百度，蓦然回首，那人却在灯火阑珊处。”功力愈趋成熟，境界愈臻完善，越能体会到：完美中都隐埋着缺陷。“千手观音”的震撼需要聋哑舞者缺陷的映衬；《维纳斯》的优雅典美归功于引人无限遐想的断臂；《命运交响曲》的激昂流淌于音符更来源于贝多芬直面缺陷、不屈不挠的魂魄。宁愿是一钩弯月，缺陷中有克服缺陷的坚韧与勇气。宁愿是一钩弯月，在拥抱缺陷的夜晚去憧憬，去追求，去创造无憾的人生。作者：一中黔驴 自卑与超越我们都有一本生活的词典，你可以在自己的词典上找到许许多多的词汇：高兴、快乐、自豪、理解、害怕、忧伤……诸如此类不一而等。如果你是跟绝大多数的人一样的话，在你翻看自己的词典的时候，自卑就会不适时机的映入你的眼帘：“对我来说，堕入情网或者表示爱情不是件容易的事情，”一个小伙子说，“因为我觉得自己不讨人喜欢，又不会逗人说话。”“我老是失眠，我总是梦见自己考试失败的情景，老师拐着弯来说我，父母干脆就骂我蠢。我无法听明白老师的讲课。我成绩不好，我知道我怎么努力也无法赶上他们（班上的同学）的，因为他们太聪明了……而高考就快到了，我真不知道怎么办才好，干脆死了算了，但我怕父母伤心。如果上不了大学，那将是怎样一种灾难啊！我怎么可以辜负父母的希望呢！……本来我喜欢音乐，而且小提琴拉得很好，但父母说那样太浪费时间了，会影响我的学习，所以两年前我放弃了。”“我的同桌数学成绩比我好，这让我难受，而且她比我漂亮，我却一点也不起眼，这实在太不公平了。还好，这次的英语考试我比她多了5分，这让我开心。”“我挺想去问老师问题的， 但我怕老师笑话我的问题太肤浅了，有几回我在老师办公室前走过了，但我还是没有勇气走进去，我甚至害怕老师上课的提问，因为我担心我答不好时同学那稀稀拉拉的笑声。”一位高中生说。“终于放学了，我的作业也都做好了，我本想回去休息的，都累了一天了。但其他同学都还在拼命，我只好又强迫自己坐下来，继续啃那可恶的英语单词。”“完成某件事又有什么意义呢？”一忧愁的青年问，“我总感觉别人知道的比我多，我永远都不会赶上他们的，我总想证明自己，结果搞得我筋疲力尽。”“我能够满足别人的愿望，但我不能满足自己的愿望；我能够赢得各种声誉，但我感觉什么事情也不能完成，每天早上醒来，我都有一种厌倦和空虚的感觉。”一个男同学说。“一次偶然的机会，我认识了一位挺有风度的小伙子。他的举止、谈吐吸引了我，我们恋爱了。在一个晚上，我们情不自禁，发生了性关系。尽管我知道这不好，但我没法拒绝他的要求。当他提出要我退学，并为我找一份工作，马上和他结婚时，我感到了一种悲哀。因为我觉得自己配不上他，虽然我自认还是一个漂亮女孩，但他家境好，又有一份好工作。所以，后来，他说我吸引他的那种忧郁的东西没有了，还说我竟敢拒绝他。当我想生气时，他说他就喜欢我生气的模样，我顿时没法生气起来，因为我感到了自卑。”一个相当漂亮的女孩子说，“最后，因为我犹豫不决，我们终于分手了，这下我什么都没了……”自卑感存在于生活的每一个角落里。大部分的青少年，对自己和自己的身份感到失望。在这个崇拜偶像和明星的世界里，我们对着镜子，希望看到一个伟大的形象，然而看到的是定期出现的一张粉刺的脸庞。大多数失望的青年人不愿表白自己的感觉，因为让人知道他们的内心世界会使自己痛苦。“不胜任感和自卑感广泛存在于我们的世界里。”正如心理学家詹姆斯.道尔皮所说，“自卑存在于我们每个人特别是青少年的生活里，”并困扰着我们。对自卑的科学认识介绍阿的童年经历：虽然自卑总是与我们为伍，但是对自卑的科学的认识却始于20世纪的德国心理学家阿德勒。阿德勒认为，所有人在幼小的时候都具有自卑感。因为一个人幼时生理机制还未完全发育，一切都要依赖成人才能生存。父母在他们的眼中是无所不能的上帝，看到成人处处优于自己，每个孩子都会产生自卑感。同时，阿德勒指出，自卑并非坏事，相反，它是所有人发展的主要的推动力量，自卑感使人产生寻求力量的强烈愿望。当一个人感到自卑时，就会力图去完成某些事情，以成功来克服自卑。达到成功后，人的内心会处于相对稳定的时期。而看到别人的成就之后，又会产生新的自卑，以促使自己达到更大的进步，以此周而复始。当然，自卑并不总是催人进步。如果一个人已经气馁了，认为自己的努力无法改变自己的处境，但又无力摆脱自卑感，那么，为了维护心理的健康（自我的统一），他就会设法摆脱它们。只是这些方法不会使他进步，他会用一种虚假的优越感来自我陶醉，麻木自己，这类似于阿Q精神。由于自卑者生活在自己虚设的精神世界里，而造成自卑的情境依然没有改变，因此，他的自卑感就会越积越多，其行为也就陷入了自欺当中，形成了自卑情结。当然，不同的心理学家对自卑的产生有不同的看法。如有些社会心理学家就认为，自卑的产生是因为一个人不正确归因的结果。一件事发生后，人总是会试图去分析产生这种结果的背后的原因。但不同的人对同一件事情的评价往往是不同的。例如，同是输了一场篮球比赛，有的队员会认为这是己队的运气不好、或场地不行、或球不好打等（外部归因），而有的队员可能会认为这是自己的实力不行，输球是必然的（内部归因）。自卑的产生往往就是将失败归结为自身的原因，与环境无关。即只看到自己的不足，看不到自己的长处。如考了高分，自卑的人会认为这是老师碰巧给了提纲，而当没考好时，则认为这是自己笨。（在归因上的研究表明，女性的错误归因要多于男性，这或许与社会文化有关。）所以，很多时候，人们感到懦弱和自卑完全是自己的心理造成的，与实际情况无关。跟自信心有关的另一个因素是——要命的自我评价许多的人到处寻找自信和自尊，可他们从来不从自身寻找，“只要……就……”“如果……就……”仿佛只要实现、一旦得到什么他们就可以一夜之间自信起来，一飞冲天了。他们总是将自信的寻找寄托于外在的满足。他们习惯于将自己和他人比较。他们满足于与他人比较得出的可怜的优势，因为拿的薪水比邻居多一点而沾沾自喜，因为到过了某个地方见识比别人多一点点而自以为是、夸夸其谈，或者因为自己的衣服不够鲜艳太过老土而沮丧不已，因为一次数学考试成绩比同桌低了一点点而痛心疾首、垂泪不停，当然如果同事拿了奖而自己没拿那简直就要了他的命了……他们嘲笑弱者，屈尊于强者。我们内心深处对自己的认识、评价影响着我们所有的重大决定和选择，并因此塑造了我们为自己所创造的生活。现实生活中，我们往往将他人评价，将社会给我们的评价内化为自我的评价。并因此影响我们的生活。在这过程中，真正起作用的是自我的评价，他人的评价只有通过你的自我的评价才能对你起作用。不自信的人往往放弃了独立地思考，放弃了思考他人对自己的评价的真实性，完全将他人的评价当成是自己的评价，这种将自己托付给外界的做法是种彻底的自我逃避，逃避自我的责任。他们就这样毫不留情地将自己出卖了。他们在向外界屈服的同时，丧失了自我。连自我都没有的人，哪来的自信？超越自卑面对自卑的攻击，人类当然不会束手就擒。相反，人类发挥自己的潜能，挖掘出许许多多的方法，将自卑击溃在自己的生活空间里。自我暗示自我暗示法非常简单，但效果却是惊人的。它起源于法国的一位药剂师鲍德茵。一天，有位客人到鲍德茵处要买一种要医生处方才能出售的药物。客人没有处方，但他非要买到那药物。鲍德茵没有办法，但又不能违法卖药。他灵机一动，给了那客人数粒完全没有药性的糖衣片，并告诉他这是他要的药物，还将它的效力大大的夸了一番。然后将客人打发走了。数天后，客人回到药房，大大地称谢了鲍德茵一番。说是鲍德茵的药治好了他的顽疾。鲍德茵糊涂了：从生理学的立场来说，糖衣片是无法治好这人的疾病的，而实际上他又是因为吃了“药”才痊愈的。到底是什么治好了这人的病呢？唯一合理的解释是，心理的因素治好了他。这心理的因素就是暗示的力量：客人老早就相信这药的治病能力，再加上鲍德茵的大力推介，糖衣片也成了灵丹妙药。这主要是因为，自我暗示激发了潜意识的力量。“而潜意识就像一座肥沃的田园。如果我们不去播下美丽果实的种子，那么杂草就会在这里蔓延生长。因此，自我暗示就像是一个控制站，我们可以有意识地运用创造性想象力去播下积极的种子；不然的话，我们会因为疏忽、不察觉而任由消极性甚至是破坏性的种子入侵这田园。 ”（拿破仑希尔）所以，如果我们通过自我暗示向我们的潜意识播下积极的种子，无疑可以使我们摆脱自卑的阴影，走向辉煌。这个结论帮助鲍德茵创立了心理暗示疗法。它主要有五大法则：（一）暗示的句子要简洁有力，如“我非常自信！”“我是自信的！”（二）暗示的句子要积极乐观，如果你说“我不会自卑”，那么，消极的“自卑”将会植入你的潜意识里。所以，你应该说“我是自信的！”（三）信念：你的句子要有可行性。即它要使你自己相信，而不会令你产生相抵触的念头。（四）观想：当你默诵或朗诵暗示的句子的时候，你要在自己的脑海里清晰地见到自己变成的理想中的那个人。他的一举一动都是你所希望的。（五）感情：当你在观想的时候，你要对自己想象的角色满怀激情，充分地接受。对于自我暗示，我想送大家一句话|：“想做，你就勇往直前，不想做，你就当断则断。”切勿抱着试一试的想法，因为这首先就会向你的潜意识里播下自我怀疑的种子。接受自我自卑者之所以自卑很多时候是其不愿意承认自己的缺陷或过分夸大自己的不足。这两种做法其实质是一样的。拒绝承认自己的不足是种掩耳盗铃的做法，就像阿Q 一样，其骨子里头是自卑感在作怪。而夸大自己的缺陷则往往是因为底气不足，预先为自己的失败找一个台阶，以逃避对失败的责任。但形成习惯之后，人往往就会确信自己确实存在其想象中的不足了。所以，要提高自己的自信心，首先就要学会接纳自己，它包括接受自己的缺点和优点。接受自我，如同深刻地爱一个人。如果你曾经真正投入地去爱一个人，你就会明白接受意味着什么。那时你只是打开，容纳；那时你并不计较他（她）有什么缺点，或者对你的态度，你只是完整地接受，完整地奉献，这就是为什么会说“爱到深处人孤独”，因为这是全情地投入，忘我地奉献的必然的结果。接受，意味着对自己诚实，正视自我的存在，完全地信任自我；意味着关注自己内心的感受，倾听内心深处的声音；意味着用新的眼光看待自己；意味着使自己完全投入到生活当中，而不是徘徊不前，觉得自己还是不够资格投身人生的赛场；意味着作为人类的一分子来敬畏你自己的人性本质和无限潜力；意味着允许自己成长并达到所能设想的最高境地。你不必向他人夸口，你只是自然地发现自己是一部精致的杰作。接受自我是种自爱，但与自私、自恋有本质的区别。自爱是种自我珍惜的情感，意味着接纳自我的同时会去珍爱这个世界。自私是以个人利益为中心，不顾他人的利益的一种选择，而自恋则是种自我中心的极端的自我。试着站在一面镜子面前，注意观察你的面孔和全身，在这过程中要注意自己的感受。可能，你会更喜欢看到某些部位，而不喜欢另外一部分。如果你是和绝大多数人一样，那么，你会发现有些地方是不怎么耐看的，因为它会使你不安或不愉快。可能你会看到脸上有一些你所不想看到的痛苦表情；可能你看到了时光在你脸上留下的痕迹，且无法忍受随之而来的想法和情感。于是，你想逃避、否认、不承认自己的容貌……但请你注视镜子里的形象，多坚持一会，并试着对自己说“无论我的缺陷是什么，我都无条件的完全接受。”望着镜子，深呼吸并反复说这句话，重复一两分钟，放慢语速。或许你真的不欣赏镜子里看到的一些东西，但“接受”不一定是喜欢。它只是让你去直面现实，让你体验“哦，这就是我，我接受它！”每天坚持做两次这样的训练，不久你就会发现：你的自尊心和自信心提高了，你与自己的距离更近了，而你对自身的不足也能以一种超越的心态去面对了。自我接受看似简单，而实际上它是我们获取进步和发展的先决条件。因为只有这样，我们才会更全面的认识自己行为的性质，进而更自信地评价自己。在接受自己的基础上，学会自我解嘲。当一个人能够以幽默的方式嘲笑自己的不足时，他就能够获得超然的心境。正如心理学家波希霍汀所说“不要对自己太过严肃，对自己的一些愚蠢的念头，不妨‘开怀一笑’一定能将它们笑得不见踪影。”接受自我，信任自我表达着一种高度的自知，意味着高度的自信。圣经上说，我们每个人都是上帝咬过的苹果，上帝更喜欢哪一个，便会咬他一大口，当他成为人，那他的缺陷也就多了。因此，他的缺陷源自于他的圆满。相信很多人都知道“维纳斯”。她的缺陷处折射着另一种圆满。本来，她拥有一双完美的手臂，将完美的曲线尽现在人们面前，但也正因为过于完美而失掉了整体的圆满，于是它舍弃了它。当她把残缺的身体再一次展现，折射出的不是臂膀下的缺陷，而是整体和谐的圆满与完美。缺陷只是圆满的另一种表现。“它一面剥蚀了古殿檐头浮夸的琉璃，淡褪大门的朱红，坍圮了一段段玉砌雕栏……地坛的藤蔓到处长的自在坦荡……”在地坛了，一位年轻人坐在轮椅上深思。在他出世后的第二十个年头，上帝又狠狠的咬了他一口。当他不再拥有身体的圆满，在经过一番挣扎后，敞开了心扉，用另一种眼光审视自己，从而得到了心灵的净化，精神上的圆满。原来缺陷可以帮我们达到更高境界的圆满。《假如给我三天光明》海伦*凯勒也是一个深得上帝喜爱的“苹果”。她虽然又瞎、又哑，但却带着一颗快乐而感恩的心去面对人生的不满。在《假如给我三天光明》中，她说要好好看清她的母亲、老师的样子，并且深深记住；她说要看海的浩瀚，看天的广阔；她说要看博物馆，要亲眼看人们创下的一个又一个奇迹；她说要看……多么美好的愿望！她就是在这样一个美好的梦想中书写了自己的缺陷，见证了另一个圆满。当他不再有听觉，当他将要与心爱的音乐诀别，他并没有松手，他舍不得！当《命运交响曲》在你的耳畔响起，你是否听出了坚强？是否听出了与命运抗争？听觉，对一个音乐家是多么重要，然而上帝却狠心的带走了它。面对这一切，他没有放弃对自己所钟爱的事业的追求，凭着记忆，他摸索着，也证明了缺陷给他的事业带来的另一种圆满。我相信每一个人都是上帝咬过的苹果。上帝给了我们缺陷，正是要我们自己去发现、去深思，原来圆满源自于缺陷，源自于一颗快乐而感恩的心

汉语言文学毕业论文的写作误区

方法是熟悉的工具。它所追求的是“殊途”，是通向某一目标的不同的路径。研究方法，是我们研究对象的途径、方式与手段。在文学批评当中，常用的方法有美学的、社会学的、心理学的、结构主义的、阐释学的方法等等。当然，在对某一对象的研究中，不同的方法之间经常是互补的，可以兼用的。比如传统的社会学批评选较注重文学和社会生活的联系，能够帮助我们深人地理解文学作品的思想内容。但它对文学文本的研究又不及形式主义批评那样精细。形式主义批评夸大对文学文本的研究，自有它公道之处，但它割裂作品与时代、社会、作家、读者的联系，只是孤立地研究文学作品，又表现出极大的随惫性。

3.汉语言文学毕业论文误区——贪大求“难”，脱离主观实际

科学研究中的题目分属于史、论、术等不同的层次，存在着大小难易的差别。史、论、术，即学科历史、基本理论、实践应用。例如：语言学有历史语言学、基础语言学、应用语言学之分；文学有文学史、文学理论、应用美学之分。属于发展史的研究，要竭泽而渔，高屋建瓶；属于基本理论的研究，要学好哲学、美学、逻辑学，进步理论修养，长于分析，善于论辩；属于实践题目研究，要密切关注现实，具有学术敏感。一般说来，宏观上的题目，千头万绪，时空跨越大，属于难度大的论题；而微观上的题目，相对单一，难度小。例如：某位作家的研究、某部作品的研究、作品中某个人物形象的研究，它们的难度系数是依次递减的`。再以下面选题为例：《鲁迅创作研究》、《鲁迅小说研究》、《<呐喊>研究》、《<阿q正传>研究》、《阿Q性格分析》、《阿Q精神胜利法分析》……能分明地显现选题范围由大到小的变化。外延不同，难度不一样。汉语言文学毕业论文必须依据自己的知识结构、能力水平来选择论题。

汉语言文学毕业论文的选题，要善于聚焦，就某一题目的一个侧面或一个难点展开分析，宜小不宜大。一些同学的选题贪大求“难”，失之于笼统，主要表现是对关键词的内涵和外延缺乏辨析，界定不明。例如一篇“媒体变革对广告业的冲击”的汉语言文学毕业论文，其关键词有媒体、变革、广告业、冲击。媒体包括报纸、广播、电视、网络、期刊、书籍等，究竟是哪一种媒体?变革也是语义宽泛，传播理念的殖变，技术手段的更新，从业职员自身素质的进步等，都属于“变革”的范畴；至于广告业则包括制作商、代理商、发布商等，泛指所有与广告相关的产业；而冲击既可产生正面作用，也不排除负面影响。涵盖如此广泛，写作时难免迷失方向。

实在，“小”题目也可以做出“大”文章，“小”并不意味着没有学问。有人不无调侃地说，现在写汉语言文学毕业论文，是初中生写伟大的中国文学，研究整个中国文学；高中生写一个朝代的中国文学；本科生写一个朝代文学的一个方面；研究生研究一套书或一套文献；博士生研究一本书；博士后研究一本书中的序言或书中的一篇文章；教授研究一篇文章中的一句话；到国外讲学就讲一句话中的一个词。抛开调侃的成分，就事论事地讲，这教授只讲“一个词”，从某种意义上说，更需要学问，而且是把书看“厚”的大学问。

汉语言文学毕业论文中，所谓的“小”和“易”，是相比较而存在的，是针对所把握的学识而做出这种区分的。一般情况下，小题目易做，大题目繁难。关键是大小适度，难易适中。一些同学的汉语言文学毕业论文选题无原则地“小”和“易”，例如《演讲词开头的几种方法》、《谈谈孟浩然<春晓>一诗的写作技巧》，由于所蕴涵的学术价值相当有限，只相当于一般意义上的文艺短论或文艺随笔，所以，也是不足取的。有人把论文选题应有的难度比作篮球筐的高度。球筐太高，高过20层楼房，拼尽全力投篮，都会“三不沾”，或者球筐太低，凡人也可以像飞人乔丹那样大力灌篮，篮球都将失往参与的热情。现在的高度正合适。“跳一跳，可以够得到”，应该是选题难度的形象化的表述。

4.汉语言文学毕业论文误区——只顾眼前，忽视长远发展

选题比如采矿，有贫矿和富矿之分。汉语言文学毕业论文中，所谓说不尽的莎士比亚、说不尽的鲁迅、说不尽的曹雪芹或者是《红楼梦》……意思是这些作家、作品仿佛是一座富矿，开采不尽。假如所选择的是三流作家、三流作品，作家本人江郎才尽，作品本身缺乏思想价值和艺术价值，昙花一现，就不存在所谓的可持续发展的题目了。

科学研究工作不是游击战，不是打一枪换一个地方，相反，经常是咬定青山不放松，是众里寻她千百度。在学者的治学工作中，第二个论题经常是第一个论题的扩展或深人，是前一项研究成果的生长点，而不是另起炉灶。它们经常会形成系列性研究，构成一个大的课题。反观一些同学，课程论文分析王维诗歌“诗中有画、画中有诗”的艺术特点，学年论文探讨思想政治工作的方法和规律，毕业论文研究大学生消费心理，这样组合在一起就成大杂烩了，也无以体现研究者的“术业有专攻”。

汉语言文学毕业论文除了论题本身缺少含金量、“朝三薯四”打游击战，选题忽视长远发展，还体现为与日后工作需要相脱节。在一般情况下，我们同学的就业方向是：到机关从事文秘工作，到媒体从事新闻采编工作，到中学从事语文教学工作……。从事文秘工作，应该侧重于选择秘书学、写作学方面的论题；从事新闻采编工作，应该侧重于选择新闻学、传播学方面的论题；从事中学语文教学工作，应该侧重于选择语言学、文章学、语文教法方面的论题。当然，作为汉语言文学专业的学生，进行作家、作品研究是看家的本领，所以，文学方面的论题应当是万变不离其宗的、无可争议的首选，这里主要是依据就业方向，相应地作了上述的区分。而上文曾经提到过一些同学的选题为“关于农民工题目的思考”、“家庭暴力题目的成因和对策”等等……。其就业方向也不过乎文秘工作、新闻工作或教学工作，但无论哪一种，这样的汉语言文学毕业论文选题都与日后的工作需要相往甚远，不利于自己的可持续发展。选择这些偏离专业方向、忽视长远发展的论题，不能不说与临急抱佛脚有关。

If the Dream is Big EnoughI used to watch her from mykitchenwindow, she seemed so small as she 1)muscled her way throughthecrowd of boys on the playground. The school was across thestreetfrom our home and I would often watch the kids as theyplayedduring recess. A sea of children, and yet to me, she stoodout fromthem all.I remr the first day I saw her playing basketball.Iwatched in wonder as she ran circles around the other kids.Shemanaged to shoot jump shots just over their heads and into thenet.The boys always tried to stop her but no one could.I begantonotice her at other times, basketball in hand, playing alone.Shewould practice 2)dribbling and shooting over and overagain,sometimes until dark. One day I asked her why she practicedsomuch. She looked directly in my eyes and without a momentofhesitation she said, “I want to go to college. The only way Icango is if I get a scholarship. I like basketball. I decided thatifI were good enough, I would get a scholarship. I am going toplaycollege basketball. I want to be the best. My Daddy told me ifthedream is big enough, the facts don’t count.” Then she smiledandran towards the court to 3)recap the routine I had seen overandover again.Well, I had to give it to her—she was determined.Iwatched her through those junior high years and into highschool.Every week, she led her 4)varsity team to victory.One day inhersenior year, I saw her sitting in the grass, head cradled inherarms. I walked across the street and sat down in the coolgrassbeside her. Quietly I asked what was wrong. “Oh, nothing,”came asoft reply. “I am just too short.” The coach told her that at5’5”she would probably never get to play for a top ranked team—muchless offered a scholarship—so she should stop dreamingaboutcollege.She was heartbroken and I felt my own throat tightenas Isensed her disappointment. I asked her if she had talked to herdadabout it yet.She lifted her head from her hands and told methather father said those coaches were wrong. They just didnotunderstand the power of a dream. He told her that if shereallywanted to play for a good college, if she truly wantedascholarship, that nothing could stop her except one thing — herownattitude. He told her again, “If the dream is big enough, thefactsdon’t count.”The next year, as she and her team went totheNorthern California Championship game, she was seen by acollege5)recruiter. She was indeed offered a scholarship, a fullride, toa Division I, 6)NCAA women’s basketball team. She was goingto getthe college education that she had dreamed of and workedtoward forall those years.It’s true: If the dream is big enough,the factsdon’t count. 我以前常常从厨房的窗户看到她穿梭于操场上的一群男孩子中间，她显得那么矮小。 学校在我家的街对面，我可以经常看到孩子们在下课时间打球。尽管有一大群的孩子，但我觉得她跟其他的孩子截然不同。 我记得第一天看到她打篮球的情景。看着她在其他孩子旁边兜来转去，我感到十分惊奇。她总是尽力地跳起投篮，球恰好越过那些孩子的头顶飞入篮筐。那些男孩总是拼命地阻止她，但没有人可以做得到。 我开始注意到她有时候一个人打球。她一遍遍地练习运球和投篮，有时直到天黑。有一天我问她为什么这么刻苦地练习。她直视着我的眼睛，不加思索地说:“我想上大学。只有获得奖学金我才能上大学。我喜欢打篮球，我想只要我打得好，我就能获得奖学金。我要到大学去打篮球。我想成为最棒的球员。我爸爸告诉我说，心中有目标，风雨不折腰。”说完她笑了笑，跑向篮球场，又开始我之前见过的一遍又一遍的练习。 嘿，我服了她了——她是下定了决心了。我看着她这些年从初中升到高中。每个星期，她带领的学校篮球代表队都能够获胜。 高中那会儿的某一天，我看见她坐在草地上，头埋在臂弯里。我穿过街道，坐到她旁边的清凉的草地上。我轻轻地问出什么事了。“哦，没什么，”她轻声回答，“只是我太矮了。”原来篮球教练告诉她，以五英尺五英寸的身材，她几乎是没有机会到一流的球队去打球的——更不用说会获得奖学金了——所以她应该放弃想上大学的梦想。 她很伤心，我也觉得自己的喉咙发紧，因为我感觉到了她的失望。我问她是否与她的爸爸谈过这件事。 她从臂弯里抬起头，告诉我，她爸爸说那些教练错了。他们根本不懂得梦想的力量。他告诉她，如果真的想到一个好的大学去打篮球，如果她真的想获得奖学金，任何东西也不能阻止她，除非她自己不愿意。他又一次跟她说：“心中有目标，风雨不折腰。” 第二年，当她和她的球队去参加北加利福尼亚州冠军赛时，她被一位大学的招生人员看中了。她真的获得了奖学金，一个全面资助的奖学金，并且进入美国全国大学体育协会其中一队女子甲组篮球队。她将接受她曾梦想并为之奋斗多年的大学教育。 是的，心中有目标，风雨不折腰。